The 12 People You'll See in the Ski Resort

Written by Greg Lum • Illustrated by Nat Tuke: @nattuke.art | www.nattuke.com

1. Jared - The Park Rat

There’s no denying that the park rat has held its infamous reputation amongst local ski resorts for decades now. Everyone knows Jared. You won’t see him uploading until later in the morning because, dude, he had like so many drinks last night. Nonetheless, Jared can throw down in the park, despite his poles looking like they were stolen from a kid in ski school. His Spotify playlists are out of this world and the only thing riding lower than his pants is his bank account.

2. Liam - The 9 Year Old That’s Better Than Everyone

He doesn’t know how to do laundry, but he’s got his 15 foot cliff drops dialed. Liam is a chicken strip eating, side hitting machine. He averages 10-20 falls a day, all of them being equivalent to a broken bone to an adult, but Liam has some sort of cheat code turned on which apparently makes him invincible. Until he turns 20, his backflipping skills will remain better than his chairlift conversation skills. Liam and his friends hold the key of talent to our future, a future that literally none of us can relate to.

3. Marisa - The Upper-class Vacationer

Marisa has entered the chat. She stands out like a lighthouse in the night, only instead of a lighthouse it’s the massive pom-pom on her hat. Her clothes are as brilliant as her rental skis are dull. Marisa will spend as much money on one weekend as Jared the park rat would in a season. She might be able to ski just fine, but the only face shots she’ll get on the slopes will be selfies from her phone. Say what you want about Marisa and her gal pal squad, but she’s having just as much fun out there as anyone else.

4. Dwayne - The Guy Wearing The Football Jersey

You’ll hear him way before you see him, it’s Dwayne of course. You can always count on him to have a good time, and every day on the slopes is the best day ever for him. Just don’t ever talk smack about his team, ever. Dwayne might be occasionally beat when it comes to remembering to pack all his snowboarding gear, but he’ll grab a win every time when it comes to beer pong, truck size, or doing anything involving wood. We all need to be friends with Dwayne, because he’s so much more than just the guy that bails you out when your car gets stuck in the snow.

5. Harry - The Guy With Way Too Many Cameras

Perhaps Costco started selling 5 packs of GoPro’s, or maybe nobody has told Harry yet that one camera is often enough. Give him one run and he’ll have enough footage to make a Hollywood motion picture. Aside from his neat Instagram stories, nobody really knows what Harry does with all his footage. I guess we’ll just have to wait until the end of the season, when he’s promising to drop, like, the sickest edit ever.

6. Julie - The Mom Always Chasing After Her Kids

The only thing harder than taking care of a child is taking care of a child in a ski resort. And the only thing worse than dropping your gloves on the chairlift is your kid dropping their gloves off the chairlift. You’ve got to give Julie some props, all day long she’s slashing turns through chest deep nose wipes, jacket zips and boot adjustments. It takes a real woman to sacrifice her day off on the hill to make sure her kid is warm, comfy and doesn’t throw their poles at random people in the lineup.

7. Alex - The Guy Who Just Can’t Figure It Out

The walking yard sale. Everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong with Alex, poor guy. He’ll take longer figuring out how to remove the snow from his boots to get into his bindings than actually skiing. Alex also might be the only person on the mountain to swap skis with and he won’t ever notice. You might be smarter than him in the resort, but let’s be real, he’s probably smarter than you with everything else in life.

8. Amy - The Apres-Holic

Queen of the good times. Amy lives her life to the fullest. She owns 7 oversized flannels and is still rocking an iPhone 4 with a cracked screen. To cancel out a heavy night of drinking, she’ll opt for the healthy quinoa salad at lunch the next day before going back to diving face first into 5 pitchers of sangria with her squad after riding. You’ll always be able to rely on Amy for being your rad friend, but never for showing up to work on time.

9. Kelsey - The Racer

Where do we begin. Kelsey’s got spaghetti for poles, pajamas disguised as a spandex suit, bananas to protect her hands, a space cadet helmet and a mini-fridge for a backpack. Just to top it off, she actually enjoys icy conditions. You can point and laugh, all until she absolutely kicks your ass getting down the hill. Kelsey and her crew might look ridiculous, but us regular folk just watching them on the racecourse is enough to break our knees. Respect.

10. Callum - The Backcountry Gearhead

He’s got 8 different lenses for his goggles, but somehow always brings the wrong one. Mention the word “touring” around Callum and he’ll talk for 3 days about all the different types of binding technologies. His internet homepage is the avalanche forecast and YouTube history is a never-ending list of gear reviews. He’s a proud owner of a Subaru with a roofbox, and 5 Nalgenes covered in stickers. Callum is so dang passionate about his belongings that he’d probably buy Gore-Tex bananas if the grocery store stocked them.

11. Russ - The Old Timer

An actual legend. Russ is either an ex-lifty, ex-patroller, ex-instructor, ex-guide or more likely, all of the above. The only person on the hill that can bag 150 days on the slopes in a season without posting it on “The Instagram.” If you’re ever lucky/unlucky enough to share a chairlift with Russ, you can bet he’ll talk about how much the resort has changed throughout the past 400 years he’s been skiing there. His technique flows alongside his helmetless hair. Russ also is somehow the only person that can ski without goggles and not get watery eyes, must be a baby boomer thing.

12. Edward - The Guy Who Doesn’t Ski

I don’t know why he’s here either… he doesn’t even have Blundstones.